• What Is An Emotional Affair?

    Infidelity is a common issue for couples who are having problems. When people hear words like “affair”,” “adultery” or “infidelity”, they usually think about a passionate, intimate, and physical relationship. Many people do, in fact, participate in physical affairs for a variety of reasons. Reasons include boredom in the connection with their partner, immaturity, running away from the issues in the relationship or even sex dependency.

    However, what can be more destructive to a relationship than sexual infidelity, is an emotional affair. What is an emotional affair? An emotional affair is what occurs when a member of a relationship turns to another person for their fundamental, major emotional support. Often, this occurs gradually as a friendship with a coworker. Initially, there may not be any romantic or physical interest. However, if the primary relationship is suffering from constant discord, dispute, or separation, and one of the members withdraws from the other and turns to their “friend” for support, camaraderie, and the discussion of deeply personal information, an emotional affair has started.

    For many, an emotional affair is a source of comfort and relaxation during times of relationship strife. However, there is a limited amount of romantic, passionate, and intimate emotions available to anyone. If a significant amount of one’s energy is invested into someone other than the primary relationship partner, the primary relationship will be jeopardized.

    Emotional relationships frequently become deeper as a result of frequent face-to-face communication, as well as many texts, emails, or phone conversations. Text messaging is commonly the medium of choice for developing such connections. An adrenaline rush is generated by receiving messages from the individual. This type of connection may lead to sexual involvement, although it is mostly characterized by conversation. The sex, if it is occurring, is usually passionate, yet it is the sense of security and emotional bonding that feeds the relationship at its core.

    It’s the emotional bonding that may jeopardize the primary relationship. As the emotional bond strengthens, a person involved in an emotional affair cannot resist comparing the emotional dynamics. “I can talk to him/her so easily and my partner/spouse just doesn’t listen”. “My partner/spouse is always complaining and criticizing me but (he/she) is there for me when I need him/her.” He/she is always so understanding.” It is easier to open up and feel understood and safe in a new friendship than in a long-standing, close partnership.

    How do you know if it is an emotional affair? Ask these questions:

    Is it simpler – and more entertaining – to chat with your friend than with your relationship partner or spouse?Does your friend seem to “get you” in a deeper, more profound way than your relationship partner or spouse?Do you now share your most intimate thoughts and feelings with your friend rather than your partner/spouse?Do you find yourself eagerly anticipating that next text message, hoping that it’s from your friend?

    If you find that you or your partner is developing an emotional attachment, you need to focus on your main relationship immediately. Seek help to understand why you sought out this friendship. Start by re-investing yourself in your primary relationship. During times of relationship conflict, turning to someone new is only a way of avoiding issues. Be assured that these same issues will reappear if you form a genuine relationship with your emotional affair partner. It’s best to learn how to manage them now, rather than putting you and your partner through a dreadful ordeal.

    Can an emotional affair happen online; in cyberspace?

    An emotional affair can indeed take place on the internet with a person you’ve never physically seen in person. Here are seven indicators that your partner/spouse may be having a “emotional cyberaffair”:

    Less available timeLocking/hiding their phone, or having it always near at hand.Demand for privacyTasks in the home often ignoredEvidence of lyingPersonality changesA loss of interest in sexSleep pattern changes

    Cyberspace chat rooms, as well as places to meet people online for sex, do not get a lot of activity until the late hours of the evening. Anyone interested in participating in this activity is likely to stay up late in order to participate. Excessive use of the computer or phone late at night or early in the morning hours may be a red flag for an emotional cyberaffair.

    If an individual changes passwords or appears to want to hide his/her online activities, that may be an indicator that there is something indeed he/she wants to conceal. If a person is interrupted online and reacts with defensiveness or irritation; or shuts down the screen if someone approaches, that also can be an indicator.

    Sharing responsibilities in a relationship is commonly regarded as a basic obligation. So, when one partner starts investing more time on the internet, neglecting to meet his/her obligations at home, it may indicate that their dedication to the relationship has decreased.

    An individual having a cyberaffair might conceal credit card statements from online service providers as well as phone expenses resulting from calls to a cyber site or individual. They may lie to provide reasons and explanations for their excessive internet usage.

    Cyberaffairs may evolve into telephone sex and in some cases to actual in person meetings. If your partner/spouse unexpectedly exhibits a decreased desire for sex, it may indicate that he/she has found another way to satisfy that urge

    It is common for someone involved in a cyberaffair to withdraw from participating in a real in-person primary relationship. They can become increasingly less available.

    For additional information and help in dealing with emotional affairs, please contact [email protected], or call / text 703-437-6311.